does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
