the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
