moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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