we made out on top of his cat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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