there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
