I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i think im in europe. pls send help
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
