We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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