I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
