what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
