Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
