Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
