I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
