I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
