I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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