Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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