I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
