I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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