went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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