You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
