She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
