Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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