In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize