this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
