OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
