the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
