I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
