Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She swung at the pinata with crutches
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
