He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
