Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
