Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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