Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
