So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
