Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
