Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize