Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
