His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
