If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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