he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
