The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My dad is sitting where you rode me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
