I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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