ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
