I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
