Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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