Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize