there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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