I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
