I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
