your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
