I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
