what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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