If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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