So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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