Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
