we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
