I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
