yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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