Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
