i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
