now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize