Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
