i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
