So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
