i may or may not be watching the land before time
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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