his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize