Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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