Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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