The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
