i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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